As a Parent

I remember how much I loathed hearing it. And more often than not, I knew it was coming. Like a high-arcing arrow fired from the opposing frontline, I could see it coming but was powerless to avoid it. 

As a parent…

Sometimes parents would lead with it, an opening salvo intended to set the tone for the rest of the conversation. Other times, they’d keep it in their back pocket until they really needed a counterpunch. And for the first ten years of my teaching career, I was defenseless against it because I was childless. 

But a funny thing happened after my daughter was born in 2009. The assumed parenthetical after the first three words of that phrase changed, and so did my association with it. 

As a parent (which you surely can’t understand because you’re single and childless) turned into As a parent (a role we share so I’m appealing to your sense of paternity to make you see my point). 

What once caused me to recoil and go on the defensive became a tacit invitation to a fraternity for which I didn’t know I was rushing. I didn’t consider being a parent as part of my professional identity any more than I considered being an educator as part of my personal identity. But that was short-sighted, indeed, because I can’t shed either part of myself even if I wanted to. 

Moreover, I’ve started to purposely wear my dad hat while at school because it helps to disarm both students and parents. At Back To School Night, I share a photo of my two children and close my remarks with a familiar refrain: we’re in this together. While I have spent more than half my life as an educator and feel confident in my ability to lead every time I walk in the building, I have only been a parent for fifteen years and there are days on which I have no idea what I’m doing. 

Still, considering my decisions, my students’ lives, and my relationships through my dad lense has only strengthened my leadership. As such, I can’t help but visit our classrooms with my own children in mind. In this way, I borrow from my professional life to help my personal life because I watch how other children interact with the world every day, so when I get home each night, I’m better prepared to help my own children. 

I have no idea how often life-blending happens in other professions, but I would argue that it’s a vital part of ours. If we preach being a better listener, learner, and person to our students, then we owe it to them, and to ourselves, to do the same as adults.